What is Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem is that persistent voice in your head telling you, “You’re not good enough,” “You’ll fail,” or “You don’t deserve this.” It’s not just a passing feeling of self-doubt—it’s a constant, deep-rooted belief that colours how you see yourself, your abilities, and your worth. People with low self-esteem often feel like they’re stuck in a cycle of self-criticism, avoidance, and self-doubt, making it hard to fully engage in life.
Unlike confidence, which can change depending on the situation, self-esteem reflects your overall sense of value. When you struggle with low self-esteem, it doesn’t just affect how you feel about yourself; it impacts your relationships, your goals, and even how you deal with challenges.
But here’s the thing: low self-esteem isn’t something you’re born with, nor is it an unchangeable part of your personality. It’s a learned process, reinforced by specific patterns of thinking and behaviour over time. Once you understand these patterns, you can start to shift them and rebuild a healthier, more balanced view of yourself.
In this post, we’ll explore the concept of low self-esteem by breaking it down into its key components, known as the Gordian Pillars. We’ll also look at why low self-esteem is so common today, the different forms it can take, and how it can be addressed. Finally, we’ll share a new perspective on self-esteem to help you take the first steps toward lasting change.
The Gordian Pillars of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem doesn’t just “happen.” It’s held in place by specific cognitive and behavioural patterns. These are the Gordian Pillars of Low Self-Esteem, and they interact to create a cycle of negative thinking and avoidance. Let’s break them down:
- External Locus of Control
People with low self-esteem often feel like their worth is determined by things outside of themselves. They rely on external validation—like others’ opinions, achievements, or societal standards—to feel good about themselves. When they don’t get this validation, they feel unworthy or powerless. - Global Thinking
This is the habit of making sweeping judgments about yourself based on isolated events. For example, failing a task at work might lead to thoughts like, “I’m a failure at everything,” ignoring all the things you do well. Global thinking creates a distorted, all-or-nothing view of your abilities. - Internal Orientation
People with low self-esteem tend to focus too much on their inner world, amplifying negative beliefs and ignoring external evidence of their strengths. Compliments or positive feedback are dismissed, while criticism or setbacks are internalised and magnified. - Ineffective Compartmentalisation
This means struggling to separate different areas of life. A mistake at work, for instance, might spill over into your personal life, making you feel like a failure as a partner, parent, or friend. Everything becomes connected, amplifying feelings of inadequacy. - Low Tolerance for Ambiguity
Uncertainty is uncomfortable for everyone, but for those with low self-esteem, it can feel unbearable. They overthink situations, assume the worst, and avoid taking risks because they fear the unknown. This fear of ambiguity often leads to procrastination and indecision. - Avoidant Coping Style
Avoidance is a key behavioural pattern in low self-esteem. Whether it’s avoiding challenges, risks, or social interactions, this coping style reinforces the belief that you’re incapable. Over time, this limits growth and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. - Unrealistic Self-Assessment
This pillar involves seeing yourself through a distorted lens. People with low self-esteem tend to overemphasise their weaknesses while downplaying or ignoring their strengths. This skewed self-assessment keeps them stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. - Past or Future Orientation with Negative Expectancy
People with low self-esteem often dwell on the past, replaying mistakes or failures, and believing these define them. Alternatively, they may focus on the future with a sense of dread, expecting more failure or rejection. This negative focus prevents them from living fully in the present. - Stable Attribution
Stable attribution means seeing flaws or failures as permanent. Instead of thinking, “I made a mistake,” someone with low self-esteem might think, “I’m always going to fail.” This fixed mindset makes change feel impossible.
These pillars work together to sustain low self-esteem, but the good news is that once you understand them, you can start to dismantle them.
Why is Low Self-Esteem So Common Today?
In today’s world, low self-esteem feels almost like an epidemic. But why? Several factors make it more common than ever:
- Social Media
Social media constantly exposes us to carefully curated versions of others’ lives. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your behind-the-scenes struggles to someone else’s highlight reel, leaving you feeling inadequate. - Unrealistic Expectations
Modern society sets the bar impossibly high. There’s pressure to be successful, attractive, and accomplished in every area of life. When people fall short of these expectations, it can erode their self-esteem. - Cultural Norms
Societal standards often impose rigid ideas about what success, beauty, or happiness should look like. For those who don’t fit these moulds, it can be hard to feel worthy or accepted. - Increased Stress and Isolation
Today’s fast-paced world leaves many people feeling overworked, overstressed, and disconnected. This lack of support and connection can amplify feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy.
Different Forms of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem isn’t one-size-fits-all. It can manifest in different ways depending on the individual. Here are a few common forms:
- Social Low Self-Esteem
Struggling to feel confident in social settings, often avoiding interactions due to fear of rejection or judgment. - Achievement-Based Low Self-Esteem
Tying self-worth to accomplishments. When goals aren’t met, it leads to feelings of failure. - Appearance-Based Low Self-Esteem
Overemphasising physical appearance as a measure of value, often driven by societal beauty standards. - Emotional Low Self-Esteem
Difficulty managing emotions, often internalising blame and struggling with self-compassion.
How Do We Address Low Self-Esteem at The Inward Process?
At The Inward Process, we use a personalised, strategic approach to help clients break free from low self-esteem. Here’s how:
- Strategic Psychotherapy
We focus on identifying and challenging the Gordian Pillars that sustain low self-esteem. By addressing these patterns, we help clients build realistic self-assessments and develop self-trust. - Clinical Hypnotherapy
Hypnotherapy works with the subconscious mind to uncover and reframe limiting beliefs. It’s a powerful tool for replacing negative self-talk with empowering thoughts. - Personalised Strategies
Every client’s experience is unique. We tailor each session to address your specific challenges and goals, ensuring that the strategies we use resonate with you. - Actionable Steps
We provide practical tools and steps you can implement in your daily life, helping you build self-worth that lasts.
A New Perspective on Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem isn’t a flaw—it’s a process. And processes can be changed. The key to overcoming low self-esteem is developing a realistic self-assessment. This means recognising your strengths and weaknesses honestly, without magnifying the negatives or dismissing the positives.
When you stop defining yourself by your perceived flaws, you open the door to growth. Building self-esteem isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about learning to see yourself clearly, treat yourself with compassion, and take meaningful action toward your goals.
Conclusion
Low self-esteem may feel overwhelming, but it’s not permanent. By understanding the Gordian Pillars, recognising why low self-esteem is so common, and addressing its root causes, you can break free from self-doubt and build lasting confidence.
At The Inward Process, we’re here to guide you through that journey. If you’re ready to take the first step, let’s work together to reclaim your self-worth and unlock your true potential.