At The Inward Process, we approach what many call “addiction” from a different perspective. While society often labels it as an addiction or blames an “addictive personality,” we see it as a dependency—a process rooted in learned emotional and cognitive patterns. This what seems like a distinction matters significantly! Because how you understand your struggle shapes your path to overcoming it. And ultimately, how you label it either empowers you, or disempowers you.
When people label themselves as addicts or believe they’re controlled by their behaviour, they create a narrative that makes change feel impossible. This mindset shifts control away from the individual, reinforcing the cycle of replace, reliance and hopelessness. At The Inward Process, we view dependencies as something you can unlearn, understand, and replace with healthier coping mechanisms.
In this blog, we’ll explore what dependencies are, why they feel so overwhelming, and how they’re sustained by underlying patterns. We’ll outline the key pillars of dependency and how they drive behaviours, before explaining practical ways to break free and reclaim control.
Why Society Sees It as Addiction
The word “addiction” is often used to describe behaviours that feel uncontrollable, but this label can do more harm than good. It implies that the behaviour is a fixed condition or an inherent flaw, leaving little room for change. Similarly, the concept of an “addictive personality” suggests that dependency is a trait you’re born with, which is not only untrue but also disempowering.
At The Inward Process, we reject these ideas. Instead, we focus on the belief systems, emotional triggers, and learned patterns that drive the behaviour. By reframing the struggle as a dependency—a process that can be unlearned—you take back control and open the door to change.
Key Patterns Driving Dependencies
Breaking free requires addressing the patterns that sustain the dependency. These include:
1. Emotional Avoidance
Dependencies often serve as a way to escape uncomfortable emotions like stress, anxiety, or boredom. Instead of confronting these feelings, the behaviour provides temporary relief.
2. Over-Reliance on Immediate Gratification
Dependencies are present-oriented, focusing on the immediate reward while ignoring future consequences. This makes it difficult to prioritize long-term well-being over short-term relief.
3. Inability to separate feelings and circumstances in their life
Many people struggle to “park” intrusive thoughts or feelings, allowing them to dominate their actions. Without the ability to compartmentalise, discomfort becomes overwhelming, leading to reliance on the behaviour.
4. Cognitive and Attributional Styles
Your thoughts and beliefs about the dependency shape how you respond to it. Common patterns include:
- Cognitive Style: “I need this to feel better.”
- Attributional Style: “I can’t change because I have an addictive personality.”
These beliefs reinforce a sense of helplessness, making it harder to break free.
The Pillars of Dependency
Dependencies are not random—they are built on specific patterns and behaviours that work together to sustain the cycle. At The Inward Process, we identify these as the key pillars of dependency:
- External Locus of Control: Feeling powerless, as though the habit controls you, rather than believing you can control it.
- Present Orientation: Prioritizing immediate relief or gratification, even when it leads to long-term consequences.
- Low Tolerance for Discomfort: Struggling to sit with discomfort, stress, or negative emotions, often turning to the behaviour for relief.
- Avoidance Coping Style: Using the behaviour to escape or numb feelings instead of addressing the underlying issue.
- Global Thinking: Viewing the dependency as an all-encompassing problem or part of your identity (e.g., “I’m an addict”).
- Ineffective Compartmentalisation: Struggling to “park” intrusive thoughts or emotions, allowing them to dominate and drive your actions.
- Internal Orientation: Overanalysing and ruminating on feelings, often getting stuck in your own head and disconnecting from reality.
- Low Tolerance for Ambiguity: Struggling to handle uncertainty, leading to stress and reliance on the behaviour to feel a sense of control.
- Attributional Style: Believing the dependency is unchangeable or outside your control, such as thinking you have an “addictive personality.”
These pillars explain why dependencies feel so entrenched—they are supported by emotional, cognitive, and behavioural patterns that reinforce the habit over time. By addressing these areas, we can begin to dismantle the foundation of the dependency and create lasting change.
How We Address Dependencies at The Inward Process
At The Inward Process, we use strategic psychotherapy and clinical hypnotherapy to address the core pillars of dependency. Our approach is not about suppressing the behaviour but understanding and transforming the patterns that sustain it.
1. Identifying What the Behaviour Gives You
The first step is understanding what the dependency provides that you feel you’re missing. Is it stress relief? A sense of control? An escape from boredom? By identifying this, we can work toward healthier ways to meet these needs.
2. Teaching Emotional Regulation
We help you develop skills to manage discomfort without turning to the behaviour. Techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, and guided relaxation allow you to tolerate urges and stress while staying in control.
3. Building Compartmentalization Skills
Compartmentalization allows you to “park” intrusive thoughts or feelings, preventing them from dominating your actions. This skill helps you see discomfort as temporary and manageable, rather than something to escape from.
4. Reframing Cognitive and Attributional Styles
We work with you to challenge unhelpful beliefs, like “I need this to cope” or “I can’t change.” By reframing these thoughts, you’ll develop a stronger sense of control and agency over your choices.
Conclusion:
Breaking free from dependency is not just about stopping a habit – it’s about reclaiming control and improving the overall quality of your life. It’s about understanding what is the dependency giving you that you feel you cannot give for yourself, building key skills around compartmentalisation and emotional regulation, as well as how to reframe your cognitive and attributional styles, so that you can reclaim control over your life and face discomfort in more healthier approaches.
At The Inward Process, we believe that change is always possible, no matter how many times you’ve tried before. You are not defined by your past attempts or failures. Know that you can break free from any dependency, if you view it and see it this way, instead of an addiction, which typically disempowers people. And if you feel you need support and are ready to overcome dependencies, dismantle the Pillars keeping you stuck, and create lasting freedom, I’m here to support you. You can book your free 20 minute discovery session today and take the first step towards reclaiming control and living your life free from dependency.