My Journey - The Inward Process

The Early Days: Who I was and thought I wanted to be

Ever since Fifth Grade when I watched an “Inconvenient Truth” by Al Gore”, I was inspired and set on becoming a climate scientist. Where I wanted to save the world. That didn’t change for over a decade and a half. Yet this desire, set me on a windy path. Even though I enjoyed playing soccer and made good friends as we’d talk about what degree we’d do and our dreams, I thought school was a complete waste of time. I thought I should be out there making an actual difference and influencing climate policy. As a result, I felt often, hopeless, on edge, constantly overwhelmed and anxious about the future. I’d bug my closest friend at the time with grand questions like “What is the purpose of life” “Why are we really here?” It was something I really struggled to come to terms with; because I always thought there was more to life than just getting a job, getting a degree, working 9-5 and having a family. Yet I was still set on becoming a climate scientist.

I enjoyed debates, and I was extremely stubborn, opinionated, and I made sure everyone knew my opinion. I was far from humble. Though being concerned about the state of the world, climate change and all the issues outside my control, I constantly felt pressure and became not addicted, but the way I see it, dependent, on food and porn. This constant pressure where I felt like I had no control in my life and I couldn’t generate that sense of peace and ease in my heart. I didn’t know how to do this for myself, so I turned to the external dependencies in an attempt to do this for me, This ironically, the dependencies were an attempt to gain back control, but now that quickly spiraled out of control.

My Uni Days

University wasn’t much different. Despite getting enrolled into the Bachelor of Environmental Science at Charles Sturt University and receiving high distinctions, my life felt like a total mess on the inside. I labeled myself as a “shy, anxious introvert” with nothing worthwhile to say, and whilst I made some good friends and we’d play pool longer than we should have, outside of that, I grew lonely and struggled to connect in a meaningful way outside of Uni times.

Outside of University, self-development did continued to expand, where I kept training in Martial Arts, learned how to train in the gym, enjoyed listening to podcasts and reading books. Where I was greatly influenced by “gatekeeper works” if you will, including Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, “Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and the classic, yet highly contentious “12 Rules for Life” by Dr Jordan Peterson notably. Although I didn’t agree with everything in these books, only now do I realise as I write this, it helped me gain a deeper sense of understanding about who I was, key lessons, and my story at the time. It then later shifted me to read deeper works including Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and the Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus in the future.

Eventually too, later on, I commenced my Bachelor of Science (Honours) degree and it was such a steep curve comparatively to my UnderGrad. I suffered tremendously from performance anxiety, where I would have panic attacks before presentations, and felt completely inadequate anytime I was around my Supervisors. I felt like a complete imposter just waiting to be “found out”. Eventually too, I fell in love with the wrong woman, “who said I respect you to much to date you”, and ended up dating a close friend. My future relationships didn’t go any better, because deep inside, I felt broken, worthless, lacked confidence and one of my greatest lessons reflecting back, I allowed women to pick me as an option, not as a conscious choice.

Then Covid hit. Like for all of us I believe, how I perceived life completely changed. There were elements of depression, but mostly looking back, it was disguised as grief. Not the loss of a loved one as we typically think of, but loss of connection, loss of intimacy in my life. Loss of hope for a better future. It later developed into deep loneliness and nihilism – which for me, that life had no inherent meaning. That it didn’t matter what choice I made today, because in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn’t matter in 10,000 years.

I delayed my Honours degree, where I tried Counselling, and it made me feel better, but I wasn’t actually necessarily doing better. Because as we were talking about my past, my childhood, my processes and what I was doing in the moment didn’t change. I procrastinated more than the average Uni student, which statistically to give you an image is 7 hours a day on average. The only thing I was consistent now at, was being inconsistent. My dependencies continued, and my panic attacks got worse.

At this point in my life, I completed my Honours degree, but fell short of the mark I wanted and felt I let my Supervisors down and thought I should have done better.

No Grand Epiphany: But a Collection of Moments

I’ve been quite philosophical my whole life, and I was always searching for something. Always looking for an answer. Mark Twain said that the two most important days of your life are, the day you are born, and the day you find out why. It didn’t come to me like in a movie. In a single day, a single moment, but more from a collection of pivotal moments that built into a crescendo of purpose.

One of the first significant pivotal turns was when I eventually met and learnt from my First Mentor, who introduced me, to traditional meditational practices, that incorporated Vipassana (meaning self-awareness), and Metta that was centred on self-compassion. Afterwards, during in and out of the Covid lockdowns in Victoria, I decided to travel to Tasmania, for the purposes of self-exploration/self-examination. No doubt in these two weeks, was some of the most pivotal moments of my life. Where I came back and decided to change career pathways. I pursued further studies, and completed the Diploma of Strategic Psychotherapy/Clinical Hypnotherapy course under Gordon Young at the Institute of Applied Psychology, along with furthering my studies in Coaching & NLP.

These strategic approaches taught me crucial distinctions, helped me identify my experiential gaps and overcome my limiting beliefs. I learnt when to trust my feelings, and when to question them. My stories, narratives, biases and tendencies. The strategic methods were unconventional and far from traditional, but they resonated with me deeply. They changed how I viewed myself as well as how I approached and examined life. Teaching me how to manage and ultimately overcome my personal issues, including anxiety and panic attacks. As an example, I stopped seeing anxiety as a fixed identity, as a noun, but instead viewed it as a process that I could change. I can still generate stress, and I still have intrusive thoughts and doubts from time to time, but this no longer has the same effect on me anymore.

One of the most difficult (and proudest) challenges I’ve overcome was to generate the feelings of control and peace I wanted without relying on external dependencies. I overcame what I struggled with for a decade, and is one of the primary reasons why I offer the services that I do. It is the reason why I specialise in these issues of anxiety, addictions, low-self-esteem, procrastination and insomnia using strategic psychotherapy. Through strategc coaching, I help individuals and organise formulate a personalised roadmap that are congruent to their values, achieve high performance and effectively use their emotions. Serving others, giving them the understanding, the how, the processes – the ones that have personally helped me overcome my own issues and challenges. Which are processes and steps in itself.

Mission & Philosophy

“To transform the choices and patterns an individual makes by turning inward, thus generating clarity, focus, wisdom and purposeful action”

About Matthew Kovacevic

If you asked Matthew in his childhood, he never would have thought he would amount to anything like this, especially as a career choice. Ever since fifth grade when he watched Inconvenient Truth, he wanted to be a climate scientist to “save the world”. Nor did he think he would develop the habits and patterns that he did, and consequently by learning to manage and overcome them, be anything like he is today. From a stubborn, argumentative Catholic raised, teenage high school boy that emotionally ate and was addicted (or dependent as he says) to pornography, or the socially anxious university student that lacked any real confidence and belief in himself, to now, a strategic psychotherapist, strategic coach and clinical hypnotherapist – that honours and serves others. Helping others overcome and navigate their own challenges and struggles in life. At the core of his mission, is to transform the choices and patterns an individual makes. Because Matthew believes in individuals. Individuals are the make up of human nature and society as a whole. And that individuals are more than their history, more than their unchangeable past. More than their patterns. More than any label given.

So what is The Inward Process? I’ll explain in full depth in another article, but it is in essence broken down into two key parts: Firstly that everything (excluding your authentic self, or immutable core depending on your belief systems) we do as human beings are a series of steps. A process. Secondly, it is about turning inward. Self-examination, self-reflection that leads to a conscious choice and action.

In essence, this is a story about a young man navigating through life, overcame his own obstacles (which were his own self-imposed limitations and the way we explained/perceived the world) and how we learnt to turn inward with a process. Matthew wanted to set out to find himself, to find the answers. But he learnt that it’s not about finding yourself, but creating yourself. It’s about how he assigns meaning and purpose in his own life through his choices. That Matthew wasn’t never here to save the world, but to serve it. That’s the distinction – and what Matthew strives for. To foster meaningful connections in a genuine, deep and authentic way, so that others can attain greater joy, fulfilment and purpose that was once “missing” in his life for many years. Generating clarity, focus, wisdom and purposeful action. Recognising, we need to turn firstly inward, and from a strategic approach, everything from simple things like taking a shower, executing 12 reps of a bench press with good form, writing a report, to managing stress and general difficulties in life. Whatever it is. All of these things require a series of steps. A process.

Just know, as you are reading this, you always have a choice. I am not saying that it is easy, but you do have choices. So, whether you feel stuck, lost, burnout, broken, or flawed, like I once was in my life in my teenage years and early 20s, know that it isn’t your identity, nor is it a permanent label. You are more than any label, especially any that comes from your unchangeable past. What you decide to do now, starting with who you choose to be is what really matters. It’s time for you to choose. What will you choose, for what comes next in your life? And if you choose to go with my services, how can I best honour and serve you?

My Core Values

Clarity

Focus

Wisdom

Fulfillment

Serenity

Meaningful Connections